


Fair Trade

by FanGirlyGlee



Series: Legends Vignettes [16]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, trope fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlyGlee/pseuds/FanGirlyGlee
Summary: magic is the reason for all sorts of shenanigans





	Fair Trade

There was a flash of light followed by gasps and muttered curses, but to their credit, the Legends kept it together and returned to the Waverider in a dignified manner.   “Gideon, get us off the ground,” Sara barked, trying not to seem shocked by the sound of her deeper voice.  Once they were in the temporal zone, everyone gathered ‘round the console, eyeing each other with suspicion.  Sara stepped up to speak first.  “Listen guys.  We've discussed this eventuality.  Ray even wrote a handbook.”

“We didn't read it,” someone squeaked. 

Sara rolled her eyes.  “Let’s get this out of the way.  This is your captain speaking and I appear to be in Rory’s body.”

“We swapped, Boss.”  Sara stared at herself, lounging on the stairs to the library in Mick’s “I’m pretending everything is cool” pose.

Ray held up his hand.  “Zari in here.”

Zari grinned and gave a thumbs up.  “Awesomesauce.”

Charlie snickered.  “Hey there, big man. Lookin’ good.”  

“Not bad yourself, Love,” Constantine chimed in.

Sara pointed her fingers.  “John and Charlie, are you switched or…”

“That would be telling,” Charlie teased. “Shall we take this somewhere a bit more private, kind sir?”  She offered her hand to John, who kissed it chastely and led her away.

Zari and Ray, or Ray and Zari, were whispering conspiratorially.  “As agreed?” Z-Ray asked herself.  R-Zari nodded.  The pair shook hands and were off as well.

M-Sara was trying to sneak off until  Sara jumped in front of him and glared. “You listen to me, Mick Rory.  Other than the fact that I want my liver back like I left it, you’d better remember one thing.”

“What’s that, Boss?”

“Wipe front to back.  Now get going.”  M-Sara practically skipped away.   Sara heaved a deep sigh and scratched at her arms with blunt, leather-covered fingers.  “Gideon, why am I itchy all over?”

Xxx

Mick made a beeline for Sara’s quarters where he stripped off all his/her clothing.  He rummaged through her drawers until he found an overly large t-shirt that would serve as a nightgown.  He sat on the edge of her bed and rubbed peppermint scented lotion into her aching calves before picking up the brush on her nightstand.  He ran it through his long blond hair over and over until it was untangled and smooth.  Slipping between the sheets of her bed, he closed his eyes for a short nap.  

Xxx

Zari waited five whole minutes before shimmying out of Ray's jeans.   Walking down the corridor she'd been keenly aware the entire time of what was dangling between her legs.  She jumped up and down a few times in his underwear then dissolved into a fit of giggles.  “Okay, calm down,” she breathed.  “Remember what Ray said; it’s stretchy but not a toy.”  She grabbed his tablet and easily found his bookmarked porn links with one hand while holding a two liter bottle of Mr Pibb with the other.  She was going to pee standing up more than once if she had to down the whole thing.   

Xxx

Ray lay on Zari’s bed psyching himself up.  “Come on, Palmer.  This is a rare opportunity to gain insight and perspective on the female body and…” his voice trailed off as he squirmed in discomfort.  What was crawling up his – oh, Zari was wearing thong underpants.  Ray decided those needed to come off right away.  He blushed as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.  “We agreed,” he addressed his new reflection.  “As long as we are both respectful, there’s no reason we can’t explore new sensations and feelings. Speaking of which, are you this horny all the time, Z?”

Xxx

After an overdue physical examination, courtesy of Gideon, Sara dragged Mick’s body to the shower and scrubbed it thoroughly.  In Mick's room she picked up every scrap of clothing she could find and proceeded to the laundry room.   "I want pizza," she told the washing machine.  "And at least 3 beers.  Maybe some wings."

Xxx

As John, or maybe it was Charlie, had predicted, everyone’s consciousness returned to their respective bodies in the morning.  Sara woke up in her own bed to find that she was completely nude, and a full-length mirror had been placed at the foot of the bed. She was surprised to hear her stomach growl, then remembered that she had been filling Rory's seemingly bottomless pit the night before.  Passing the lab, Sara observed John and Charlie passed out on the floor amidst empty bottles and scattered punk LPs.  She decided to let them sleep it off.   Mick joined her in the galley as she poured her coffee.  “You wash my clothes last night?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

Sara smiled behind her mug. “Yes, Rory.  It turns out that you have sensitive skin.  It would probably feel better if you used a dye-free detergent.  Also, Gideon sent you a list of recommended personal care products.”

Large blue eyes blinked owlishly.  “Oh, um, thanks.” He looked over her shoulder, checking to see if anyone else was near as he leaned in.  “I didn’t do anything weird in your body, Boss.  It’s just, um, research, for my books, yeah? Didn’t get a lot of sex-ed in juvie ya know?”

A minute later, Zari trudged in, looking crabby and disheveled.  “Gimme caffeine and no one gets hurt.”

Mick passed her a mug.  “Haircut keep you up late or something?” 

“Let's just say that he found out why it’s hard to be a woman.”  She took a long slurp of hot brew, and before Sara could ask, Ray appeared.  He winced as he sat down, and glared at Zari.

 “You just couldn’t resist, could you?”

Her face scrunched up.  “What are you talking about?”

“I’ve already been to the bathroom twice and my butt is not happy.”

Sara’s eyes widened to the size of saucers and Mick choked on his doughnut.

Zari looked horrified. "I’m so sorry, Ray.  I got hungry in the middle of the night and when I completely forgot about the gluten.”  His expression softened immediately

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose.  I’m sorry about your sheets.  I didn’t know you were about to start, well you know.  I thought I had it handled at first.  I found your stash of feminine products, and I tried to clean up while watching all the cute animal videos you have saved on your tablet.  But then this little panda kept falling down a slide and I started crying, but I didn’t know why. Then the cramping started.”

Sara put a hand on his arm.  “Quiet time now, Ray.”

He groaned as he pushed back from the table.  “Ugh, here we go again.”

Zari began to tear up.  “We need two bathrooms on this ship,” she sniffled.

**Author's Note:**

> The imagined progression of Zari's cycle, from of PMS and the onset of menstruation was compressed for comedic effect.


End file.
